Bahut badiya subhashish bhai.... Aapki baato mein sachmuch gehraai hai.... bahut hi sajeev lagti hai aapki yeh kavita ..aisa lagta hai ek khaani ke andar na jaane kitni khaaniya chuppi hai, gareebi ki, bhookh ki, sunaami ki, lachaari ki, tadap ki ...aur na jaane kya kya ..... Bahut khoob ..... Asha karta hu aur bhagwan se prarthna bhi karta hu ki aap aage bhi aisi kavitaye likhte rahe .....
shubhashish ji aapki kavita mein utni ghrai hai jitni ki aapki batoon mein hoti hai.yeh kavita itni sajag aur samvednasheel lagti hai jaise koi aapke shabdhoon se aapni vedna prakat kar raha hai. samaj ki sachchai aise hi dikhaiye apni kavita ke madhyam se.
Poem is good..but one thing i wnat to say...do not put charitraheen-the call girl as title...poem is contradictory..wat ever u r describing is the truth real truth..i visited several females like this in mumbai and in rajasthan too...but they r not call girls..they r prostitutes or sex workers...call girls are in sex trade in clandestine manner not as u have talked…so be careful while u r playing with words ?(playing becoj how u can misinterpretate situation and the concept)
Hi shubhashish! Your poem is very nice and you tried very well to link it with the character and a call girl.but this is not a story of every call girl so you can not generalize this poem. per aapne kafi achhi tarike se apne words ko kavita ka roop diya hai.aapki kavita ki gahrai kafi achhi hai or bhasha bhi bahot simple hai.aaj kal bahot kam log hai jo hindi kavitaye likhte hai.thanks for such a nice poem.i would like to suggest you one thing but its up to you that you will take it positively or negatively, read books on the life of the girls who live in orphanages and how they work and fraught for living and few of them become call girl.....and try to make out any poem on this, if you wish….. Hope you won’t mind… With best complements... Madhuri
@madhu Thanks 4 ur comment.App ne bilkul thik kaha ki main genaralize nahi kar sakta.par mera sochna hai ki saari kahaniya bhale he alag ho par kai baar us dard me bahut samanta hoti hai jo unke ird-gird rahta hai aur unhe ghut k jine k liye majboor karta hai.
agar mujhe mauka mila to main aap k sujhav pe sirf kavita nahin balki kitab likhoonga. par ....... main bhi nahin janta ki kab :-) aap k is anmol sujhav k liye bahut bahut dhyanyvad.
Kabhi hasati kabhi rulati, apne me jivan k tamam rango ko ghole hue ye jindagi jane kin kin galiyon se gujarti hai.
Par jindagi ka har mod apne peeche kuchh ehsaas chhod jata hai.Chahe khatte ho ya meethe par kalam chalane valo k liye ye ehsaas bahut mayne rakhte hai kyunki kai baar ye ehsaas he unhe kalam uthhane k liye majbur kar dete hain ..........shayad meri tarah.
14 Comments:
well i am not the authority to comment on hindi poems ...but it did sound good and u were able to convey ur message
kaafi depth hai tumhare writing mein...
mujhe achi lagi
Bahut badiya subhashish bhai....
Aapki baato mein sachmuch gehraai hai.... bahut hi sajeev lagti hai aapki yeh kavita ..aisa lagta hai ek khaani ke andar na jaane kitni khaaniya chuppi hai, gareebi ki, bhookh ki, sunaami ki, lachaari ki, tadap ki ...aur na jaane kya kya .....
Bahut khoob .....
Asha karta hu aur bhagwan se prarthna bhi karta hu ki aap aage bhi aisi kavitaye likhte rahe .....
shubhashish ji aapki kavita mein utni ghrai hai jitni ki aapki batoon mein hoti hai.yeh kavita itni sajag aur samvednasheel lagti hai jaise koi aapke shabdhoon se aapni vedna prakat kar raha hai.
samaj ki sachchai aise hi dikhaiye apni kavita ke madhyam se.
Poem is good..but one thing i wnat to say...do not put charitraheen-the call girl as title...poem is contradictory..wat ever u r describing is the truth real truth..i visited several females like this in mumbai and in rajasthan too...but they r not call girls..they r prostitutes or sex workers...call girls are in sex trade in clandestine manner not as u have talked…so be careful while u r playing with words ?(playing becoj how u can misinterpretate situation and the concept)
This comment has been removed by the author.
just excellent.
@Kamlesh
Dhanyavad Kamlesh
Hi shubhashish!
Your poem is very nice and you tried very well to link it with the character and a call girl.but this is not a story of every call girl so you can not generalize this poem. per aapne kafi achhi tarike se apne words ko kavita ka roop diya hai.aapki kavita ki gahrai kafi achhi hai or bhasha bhi bahot simple hai.aaj kal bahot kam log hai jo hindi kavitaye likhte hai.thanks for such a nice poem.i would like to suggest you one thing but its up to you that you will take it positively or negatively, read books on the life of the girls who live in orphanages and how they work and fraught for living and few of them become call girl.....and try to make out any poem on this, if you wish…..
Hope you won’t mind…
With best complements...
Madhuri
@madhu
Thanks 4 ur comment.App ne bilkul thik kaha ki main genaralize nahi kar sakta.par mera sochna hai ki saari kahaniya bhale he alag ho par kai baar us dard me bahut samanta hoti hai jo unke ird-gird rahta hai aur unhe ghut k jine k liye majboor karta hai.
agar mujhe mauka mila to main aap k sujhav pe sirf kavita nahin balki kitab likhoonga. par ....... main bhi nahin janta ki kab :-)
aap k is anmol sujhav k liye bahut bahut dhyanyvad.
i am just speechless after this ......... just superb poem.
this hai classic poem in recent years.
hats off to you
thanks for sharing
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